Journaling reads:
While I certainly don't regret getting pregnant unexpectedly, the circumstances that surrounded it were very scary. You see, the reason I got pregnant is because I was on a medication that negates birth control pills. I was aware of this, but one night Christian and I were, to put it nicely, not as careful as we normally are in this area.
I had a very strange feeling that something was going on with my body even just 3 weeks afterwards. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. No wonder, I was a week BEFORE my period. I was speaking with some gals at work and telling them how my body just felt...different. Anyway, they convinced me that even though it wasn't time for my period, I should just take another test. Well, I took another test 2 days BEFORE the time I would normally have my period and lo and behold, I was pregnant.
Problems? Uh, yeah! 1. unmarried 2. boyfriend will NOT be thrilled 3. and most important...I have been on not one but 2 medications that are dangerous for babies. Needless to say, I was freaking out. So, I called my doctor and asked should I immediately stop those medications? My doctor was not available, but the doctor on call called me back and said..."Well, you can stop taking those medications, but my advice to you is to not to have the baby. Those medications are extremely dangerous at this stage in a baby's development." Honestly, I can't begin to tell you my horror at his suggestion! I told him that was in NO way an option. Well, needless to say, I stopped those medications.
So, I called my gynecologists office and made an appointment. When I went for my appointment they asked when my last period was and I told them. They said that since I had already had a positive urine test, they would just do a sonogram. While the sonographer was doing the sonogram, I had no idea what she was seeing. So finally I said, "So I guess I'm not pregnant?" She said, "Oh you are pregnant, see that little silvery round ball there?" "Yeah." "That silvery ball is the pregnancy." "That is my baby! Are you kidding?" "Yep, that's the pregnancy."
I noticed that she kept saying the pregnancy and not the baby. While I was waiting for the doctor, I kept thinking, why would she say it in that way? Is there something wrong?
The doctor told me that yes, I was pregnant, but he was concerned. According to when my last period was, the pregnancy should be at 7 weeks, but the sonogram showed 5 weeks in development, so he was concerned that the baby was behind in development and he wanted me to come back in 2 weeks to see how things were progessing.
Those were probably the longest 2 weeks of my entire life. I worried the entire time that I was having a miscarriage. I worried that something was wrong with my baby. I worried that the medications that I had taken had severly damaged my unborn child.
2 weeks later, I went to the appointment. I had another sonogram with the same sonographer. This time, the picture on the screen looked much more like what I expected to see from watching tv shows where they show child development. A little tadpole looking baby. Of course, that still did not answer if they baby was still behind in development. When I spoke with the doctor, he said that the baby was fine, that I just must have been 5 weeks along and was now 7 weeks along, so I had caught the pregnancy really early.
Relief! Oh boy, relief. I can't tell you my relief! I made my next appointment for 4 weeks later and went home.
4 weeks later, I went back and the doctor examined me and tried to find the baby's heartbeat. He couldn't find the heartbeat. He tried and tried and could not find it! "Just to be on the safe side, let's get a sonogram."he said.
Oh my God!! I had to wait 30 minutes for the sonographer. When I finally had my sonogram, the sonographer said, "Well, he just didn't look very hard...Right there, see that heartbeat! That baby has a strong heartbeat!" I burst into tears! Thank God!
My entire pregnancy, I prayed every day sometimes 20 times a day to God to please please make my baby healthy. I am sure God got tired of listening to me. All I wanted was a healthy child. I pleaded and negotiated and said I would never do anything wrong again, if my baby was healthy.
Now 5 years later, I have a healthy, gorgeous, smart and sweet little girl! God blessed me so much with her. Despite the medicines that I took, she has no health problems and is thriving and sassy and ornery. Sometimes I just want to get a picture of my gorgeous girl and send it to that doctor that told me that I should not have her and send it to him and show him the life he almost ended. In the grand scheme of things, I am just grateful that God gave me the faith to trust in his plan and that He blessed me with my beautiful daughter.
Note: This was a very emotional page for me. This is one that I have been planning for a while, but just never did. I am so glad that I did it! My daughter is such a miracle and it is a miracle that she is here today!
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