Thoughts...

I am terrible about blogging....

Narcissism describes the character trait of self love.
I have been thinking about this, I don't think that word accurately describes my mother, character trait of self absorbtion would be more accurate however, she certainly loves herself more than she ever loved me. ***note....the author is not nearly as emotionally as disturbed as she sounds, it is just a fact of life to her***
Anyway, I have been going through amazon.com and adding to my wishlist just for fun. My mother has been on my mind, I would like to understand her. So I put on my wishlist books about Munchausen's syndrome and malingering and factious disorders. Big difference here...hypochondriacts really believe they are sick, Muchausen's they know they are not sick and pretend to be sick to get attention. I certianly beleive that my mother has Munchausen's and to tell you honestly it makes me very leary of myself and my own motivations. Plus I can't tell you how much it has affected me in my business and personal life, whenever someone around me tells me that they are sick...I think that they are lying or exagerating unless there is actual physical undeniable proof. It makes it hard with your husband when he wants a little sympathy for feeling sick and you can't give it to him. I am just completely unable. Christian has to bring up to me that I am being this way and even then, I have to pretend to have any sympathy for him. He will say, I am feeling sick and I say, I am sorry you feel that way and honestly I can't even fool him. At least he is understanding about it though.

This is the affect that Brenda Vanderpool has had on my life. Not to mention the affect that she has had on the numerous people around her and my half brother and sister. I wish there was some way to show her the havoc she has wreaked and on all the people she has affected. You know like Scrooge. Wouldn't that be nice?

It also make me think about things like, oh dear God what if I turn out like her! or what have I done that may have affected people adversely and negatively for the rest of their lives. UGH!!! These are some really heavy thoughts.